I'm not loud by nature

I'm not loud by nature

By Jasmine Low

Unpublished / unperformed
Written 12 Jan 2009
Copyright Jasmine Low

Some nights, I wish I was lightning
A startling flash of light, unnerving and unafraid of consequences as I strike

But I'm not so bright

Or, thunder, that offers no compromise in its loud and crashing sounds
as they hit the surface of the black tar road along Jalan Raja Chulan

But I'm not loud by nature

I could dance up the beautiful steel structures of the KLCC
like the sensual winds of the South China Sea

But I’m not so graceful

I think of the Monsoon rain, fierce and unrelenting,
bravely descending upon the city lights at Teluk Chempedak
like how I wish I could stealthily approach you

But I haven't

I could display these attributes the way Mother Nature intended
If I was born during December, the last month of the year
A time of reckoning, madness and forgiveness

But I wasn’t

So I bask in the consistency of the constant rays from the full moon
And instruct it to shine down upon you when you’re asleep

And I call upon dawn to come just as you’re about ready to rouse
And invite the caustic sunrays to seep moisture from your skin
Leaving you thirsty

For me

I am as vast as the ocean
And as faithful as the perpetual rise and fall of the waves beating across the shores,
I place my wishes in a bottle, hoping it’d reach you in the next continent of your mind

But this constant chase between the tides tire you

And we find ourselves inside a chamber that is as dark as the darkest night
To find only each other and nothing else but a faint flicker of our shadows

A glimmer of light from a tiny red light bulb 20 kilometres away
Gather glimpes of my hungry weekends

I sleep a deep slumber
And awake midnight
And chase your light

At the end of your lifetime,
You will realize that there may be a thousand lightning bolts,
A million decibels of thunder
Endless windstorms
would have picked you up in their passionate haste

But there’s only one of me,
And it is my consistency
That earths you
And it is this resonance
That lasts forever

For you.

I'm not loud by nature via anchor.fm/listenbyheart

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Background

This piece was originally written in 2009, reflecting the author's love affair with her country, a country she left at age 18, sponsored by her maternal uncle Dr. James Cheah to pursue continuing education at Bridigine Convent in Australia. That generous helpful hand, has left an impact in most of Low's work. On an identity fence, Low finds herself returning to that same one point at the confluence of the Gombak and Klang Rivers, pondering life and her identity at the founding of the muddy estuary of Kuala Lumpur. Having spent equally the same amounts of time in each country, which love will she return to?

Plagiarising will give u callouses and bad breath. Copyright 2009 Jasmine Low.